ROAD TRIP! ~ DAY ONE ~ LONDON, ON-ROCHESTER, NY-CHADDS FORD, PA

Thu, 07 Jul 2011 19:58:18 -0400

Another adventure began today!

So I woke up early and got to Jeff and Clara’s to start our amazing insane road trip!
As I was loading up the van in a furious monsoon, the power went out in the elevator. Now, if you’ve ever been with me in an emergency situation where I am in danger- you know that I generally freak out and scarcely start to think logically. But I was alone, somewhere higher than floor 11 in the complete dark, and had dropped enough to warrant grabbing the side rail. I called Jen in tears and managed to escape the elevator (despite its screen displaying the word ‘OK’ I was def NOT okay).

So, onward and upward! We forgot passports, turned around, and then the journey began!!!

Crossed the border after 2 hours of waiting and making friends with strangers around us… why be strangers when we can be friends? :D

After sitting for quite some time without really moving at all, we made the executive decision to go for a sit down meal at Pizza “Plant”…not Planet. Plant. We sat next to a very interesting pair, who were eating a pizza stuffed inside of a pizza and deepfried then drenched in some god-awful sauce. We equate it to about 4 pizza pizza pizza’s. (shit, say that 8 times fast!)

Got a speeding ticket from a super trooper. I mean a state trooper. With the hat, mustache and EVERYTHING. So amazing…

So Jeff and Clara (great road trip buddies, don’t get me wrong) kinda fell asleep and I ADD’d out quite quickly—but luckily I found a group of BOY SCOUTS! And not just any boy scouts- but ones with free food. So we mucked that down real quick (that’s a reference to the free food, not the boy scouts…they would’ve been old enough, though) and wandered around the “stunning” rest stop.

There was a map of America on the table at the rest stop where you were to place a pin where you came from. Although the ENTIRE United States, and the good parts of Canada (shout out to Southwestern Ontario!!!) were visible, many other locals were not- so they had a dish of pins and a spot to write your country of origin. There were people from Egypt, Mongolia and of course Chicago. Yes, that is correct. Some very intelligent person couldn’t locate their home town of Chicago on the map, so wrote it down and placed a pin in the ocean. Shout out to the American education system.

The bathroom was “tastefully” adorned with urinal cakes hanging from the ceiling to add to the ambiance of the rusting metal stalls. Please see Jeff and Clara’s blog for photos and confirmation.

But alas, ONWARD and UPWARD! We kept driving and shortly arrived in Chadds Ford Pennsylvania, at the home of my darling Aunt Carol and Uncle Shawn (& Shanny and Tim). We decompressed and fell asleep—a very comfortable and restful sleep despite being on the same block as an M. Night Shyamalan feature…

(True fact: ‘The village’ was filmed down the street, if that doesn’t scream some ominous headline about 3 Canadians getting mauled by an incestuous tribe of bushmen then I don’t know what does…)

More to follow- also I apologize in advance—I’m trying to blog daily but tend to fall asleep when I’m half done, so you may get a ton of days submitted at once, or out of order. Cuz I’m cool like that!

Xoxo Miss y’all!!!

The Hott-awa Journey- Day One.ep1

Thu, 02 Jun 2011 14:47:07 -0400

I’ve decided to chronicle the next 6 days of travel as per my usual dull writing style, so I apologize if you are actually reading this- you don’t have to, I understand.

Jeff and I are currently on the train (a fiasco in and of itself) but I will address that insanity later. We are embarking on an eight-hour booze fueled (and might I add FREE) trip to Ottawa to the Disability rights conference. (like we need a reason to visit the splendors of Hott-awa).

We ran into HF in the train station who was heading to Toronto for the day and had a brief chat. Once the train arrived I loaded our bags onto said locomotive and spent approximately 20 minutes trying to open the door to our car, while they strapped Jeff into some obscure medieval ramp to get him into the train. Once in the train they asked me if I would like to sit with Jeff, or if I would be okay with banishing him to the baggage department. So being the usual pain in the ass I am, I had them move the chairs so we were facing each other. I mean lets be real, 8 hours with no company but myself? Of course I was going to subject Jeff to that!

Food and libations followed, and were impeccable of course. Then I got the BBM from HF asking if I knew where any of the train attendants were. I went back with my 2^nd rum and coke, and a chocolate gannache and we chatted briefly. I was shocked to learn that the attendant had only been to visit her once (as the train left london), and had not returned (sidebar: I had come across this man 10 minutes earlier, he was furiously typing on some phone and looked like he might decapitate someone…)

We then ventured to find that man, who very rudely responded that he only comes by once, and if you need anything else you are to try and find him. I guess it was pretty rude of us to ask for a train attendant to provide beverages to their customers, but I guess I’m just old fashioned like that. I mean, the man wouldn’t even give her a water, and was being such a queen- and not in the classy Kate Middleton way.

Fearing for my head, I began heading back to my seat I chatted with a lovely pair of flamboyant train attendants who were mulling over the crossword (which I have obviously already completed). The kind men informed me that “Renee” (train attendant from coach) had just got into an alcohol fueled domestic with his lover Michael, and was in a very foul mood. Conrad even went on to inform me that Renee was a man who “cycled more than a dormitory of women” and was often a raging bitch. At last it makes sense. I should have given him my wine and collection of sappy chick flicks that I stocked up on for this eight-hour ride. And maybe i could ask the collection of middle-aged women learning how to use laptops would have some sedatives for him…

But the socializing must end, so I returned to my seat to find my drink still there, :D ah if this is any indication of how this “work-ation” will be, I anxiously look forward to the rest of it!

More later! (hopefully… if you know me you’ll recall that I have severe ADD and will likely be knitting for the rest of the trip.)

The Astonishing Adventures of Ali RN

ROAD TRIP! ~ DAY ONE ~ LONDON, ON-ROCHESTER, NY-CHADDS FORD, PA

The Hott-awa Journey- Day One.ep1